How I Met My Husband by Coming Out as Gay on YouTube
My name is Matthew Schueller, and I am gay.
These words changed everything. At the age of 21 and in my 3rd year studying at a conservative private Christian university in Seattle Washington, I knew I had to come out, and that doing so would shatter the world I built up around me. What I didn’t know, is that someone watching my coming out video would 4 years later become my husband.
Coming out was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but in the moment I pressed post and the video went live, I had never been happier.
The most vulnerable moment of my life went viral, and somehow through sharing my deepest fears and struggles, I found love… Or really, love found me.
When it comes down to it, we just need to make decisions that are best for ourselves.
Recently, my husband Michael and I had the opportunity to sit down with Love Inc. Magazine and tell the story of how we met and fell in love. Listen to the full story by clicking the play button below!
We came out six years ago, and we are still unpacking it.
Growing up as gay men in a straight unaccepting world is traumatic to say the least. It takes time to unravel the damage and to work through the years of pain and subsequent self-hatred. Coming out was the greatest leap of faith we’ve ever taken, because we did so believing that it would finally set us free.
This is important. When we got married, our mom (on Michael’s side) gave a speech that truly spoke to both of us. In it she said,
“And Matthew being brave enough to do his coming out story helped Mike to do that. Who knows all the times that these two went through that were tough, I mean super tough, but they held it together. And they believed in themselves. And there’s nothing greater than that. The only person you can be, the best that you can be, is who God made you to be. And God makes no mistakes.”
— Listen to her full speech via the embedded podcast audio above.
A reminder to us all that we are the best versions of ourselves when we are our true selves. We are strong. We are survivors. And we are enabling others to find freedom by willing freedom for ourselves.
It’s not spoken about often, but I don’t believe that our journey on sexuality ends at coming out. We may like to think that coming out fixes everything, but if you’re like me, then you’ve still struggled with the trauma you experienced while in the closet.
It’s okay to not feel okay, to not be 100%, and to still be working through things. If you’re still working through your sexuality, then at least I can say I am too, and you’re not alone in your struggle. I used to think that coming out was the finish line, the end point of working through my sexuality. I’ve since realized that it was only the beginning of my story.
How We Came Out Online
The videos below are what we posted when we made the decision to break the news to everyone in our lives. Before we posted these videos, we came out slowly. First to our closest friends and family we knew would have our backs and accept and love us no matter what, then gradually to others in our lives. We built a support system, we made plans, we wrote out and repeated affirmations to ourselves, we sat with our best friends and shared our stories. Then when we felt ready, we turned on the camera and started talking.
I felt an obligation to come out online. As a YouTuber, at the time I felt dishonest and disconnected from my viewers and subscribers because they didn’t know who I truly was. I felt as though I was living a lie, and I was missing out on a huge opportunity to connect with those watching my channel who shared the same struggles that I had in life. In this way, I made a decision and held myself accountable for finally choosing to accept myself.
Watch Matthew’s coming out video below, posted April 29th, 2013.
A year later, I posted a followup video on coming out. I felt compelled to share how coming out had changed my life, and encourage others to share their stories. That’s when Michael (now my husband) posted his video response on May 1st, 2014. Watch his story via the video below.
How We Fell in Love from Watching Our Coming Out Videos
For the rest of the story, give Love Inc’s Podcast, Inclusively Yours a listen!
You can also watch the story unravel from our YouTube channels, showing literally the month by month development of our relationship from the very beginning. By the way, can we talk about how shocking and crazy it is that we live in a time where people (like us) record their lives like this!? We didn’t set out to create a chronicle, we were merely living life together, loved YouTube, and wanted to share. Looking back, the story wrote itself.
— Start by watching the chaos that ensued directly after we met in person for the first time HERE.
— Continue on a much lighter note watching our first video blog together, The Boyfriend Tag!
For more on what we’re currently up to, follow us on Instagram!
Our wedding on June 4th, 2018. Surrounded by friends and family just outside of Portland Oregon, saying out vows and becoming husbands. Photo by Dylan M. Howell Photography
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